Ass-less pants and lady-parts
0 comment Tuesday, July 1, 2014 |
There is a riveting post today regarding ass-less pants and lady-parts over at Isis the Scientist.Dr. Isis' post made me laugh so hard I nearly peed myself (thankfully, due to the food poisoning, I have strategically located myself within 2-second sprint to the bathroom so this unfortunate event was narrowly avoided). The Goddess has shared her 1st lady-parts exam story with whoever is out there in order to inspire more women to go out and get their yearly Pap test done. As any benevolent goddess would - she is forever looking out for the best interests of her adoring subjects. And while cervical cancer is no laughing matter, the first visit to the lady-parts doctor certainly is for many people that I know. Mine was somewhat more uncomfortable and less funny and left me feeling that I never wanted to go through that I didn't for several years even though I knew it was in my best interest. I think that there is something to be said for inspiring women to take charge of their sexual health...and also something to be said for encouraging the doctors to treat these women not just medically, but with a little respect.I experienced the humiliation of my first lady-parts exam at the tender age of 17. Being a late bloomer, I hadn't started menstruating until I was nearly 16 (might have had something to do with all the athletics I was involved in at the time), and it never really got regular for me. My mother decided she was concerned about this, so she scheduled me an appointment with her lady-parts doc. Let's call him Dr. Jerkface. So I dutifully showed up at Dr. J's office at the appointed time, and changed into the requisite front-opening gown at which point Dr. J. entered accompanied by a female nurse. He explained that she would remain in the room for the entirety of the exam in order to ensure that no improprieties occurred...!!!! Now, I understand the legal reasons for the policy, but they way he presented this information made it seem as if he were on parole from his last conviction of sexual impropriety with a patient and the nurse was there to make sure he behaved himself. Way to inspire confidence in your nervous young patients! He then proceeded with the usual questions:Dr. J: Last period?AA: I don't know, a couple of months ago.Dr. J: Any chance that you're pregnant?AA: No.Dr. J: How do you know?AA: Because I haven't been having any, you, know, sex.Dr. J: Number of sexual partners?AA: None.Dr. J: What?AA: I said "none".Dr. J: Do you have a boyfriend?AA: Yes.Dr. J: So that's one sexual partner?AA: No, that's zero sexual partners - we're not sexually active.Dr. J: You can trust me, I'm a doctor you know. It's very important that you are honest with your doctor.AA: I'm telling the truth...I have a boyfriend, we've discussed how sexually involved we want to be and decided that we're not ready for that yet, so we are not sexually active.Dr. J: Are you attracted to men? Or do you also have feelings of attraction for females?AA: [WTF!!?!?]Things went back and forth like this for a refusing to budge on my very honest answers to his questions and him clearly continuing to believe that I was lying. I was pretty fucking steamed at this point...I understand that it may be uncommon but is it really so unbelievable that an 17-year-old woman might already be making decisions about her sexual health with the support from her sexual (but not really) partner? Did he think I thought it was cool to pretend to be an 17-year-old virgin? And is the only explanation for a 17-year-old virgin that she is not really into men?!?! I was also kind of annoyed that nanny-nurse didn't step in and tell him to shut up...maybe she also thought I was lying. Anyway, Dr. J. clearly didn't like being lied to and expressed this passive-aggressively throughout the remainder of the exam - no warning before inserting the VERY COLD speculum, certainly no warning about the whole cervical scraping thing, and him dictating into his voice recorder during the breast exam: "...small, under-developed breasts...dysmennorhea...peach-fuzz on face indicate a possible hormone imbalance...possibly androgen-insensitivty..."I kid you not, he said all this out loud as if I weren't even in the room!!! And for the record, yes I did have small ta-tas (they have since come into their own) but I was a small, very athletic person at the time (which would also explain the irregular periods), and I did (and still do) have very small fine blond hairs on my face...not exactly what I would call peach-fuzz. I also was fully aware of what androgen insensitivity means...if he was serious about that he would have asked for a tissue sample to check my karyotype for a Y chromosome...he didn't, which makes me suspect he was just trying to get back at me for "lying" about my sex life. Way to make a teenage girl feel good about herself.And then this at the end of the exam:Dr. J: I'd like to prescribe the following drug (popular contraceptive) to you.AA: But I told you, I'M. NOT. SEXUALLY. ACTIVE.Dr. J: Well, whatever the case may be, you have other symptoms that lead me to believe that the hormones provided by this drug would be beneficial to you.AA: Like what?Dr. J: Well, for instance, you would have regular periods, and it might clear up your acne.AA: But my acne isn't really that bad, and I don't really like having my period so more of those doesn't strike me as better.Dr. J: Well, I'm your doctor and I'm recommending that you take these...I'll see you next year.UN-fucking-believable! I did take the contraceptives, but not without further humiliation at the pharmacy because Dr. J didn't note that they were being prescribed for a medical condition. At that time in my home state, my parents' insurance company didn't want to cover contraceptives for minors. I had to explain to the pharmacist in my small town (very conservative fellow whose son I went to school with) that it wasn't for contraceptive purposes since I wasn't sexually active, and he kindly sorted this out with Dr. J's office and the insurance company and sent me on my way with a little pill pack.I took them and didn't like them and quit them and never saw a gynecologist again until I was 23...I cried a little in her office at my first visit when she asked why it had been so long since my last exam. But she was totally understanding when I explained about my first visit and the fact that until very recently I had been virgin. (Went on dates in college but never fancied any of those guys well enough.) And you know what?She believed me...and now I go for my annual exams religiously.The sad thing is that this kind of inherent disrespect for young women's ability to make decisions for themselves is rampant in the field. I know another young woman who was unmarried but in a long-term monogamous relationship who went to her local Planned Parenthood facility for her annual exams and contraceptives because she didn't have health insureance. The doctors there consistently chastised her for not using a condom because they refused to believe that she had the sense to be in a relationship with a guy who wasn't cheating on her. Granted, they probably see a lot more women in not-so-healthy relationships where this is a real issue...but what ever happened to respecting the patient? I mean, they wouldn't be in the stinkin' stirrups in the first place if they weren't taking their health seriously, so why is it the default to assume that they are lying, or even worse, stupid, about their own sexual decisions.The point of all this is that if our society or the medical community at large is going to encourage women to take charge of their sexual health, maybe we ought to start taking them seriously as women, not children, when their sexual health becomes something that needs care. Right from the start. Not giving any respect or credence to young women's good decisions regarding their own sex life is not encouraging them to be empowered about this. I'll get off my soapbox now.And lest you think I forgot about the ass-less pants - I'm sure that Dr. Isis in all her hotness wasn't really implying that she wears such get-ups to the lab. But for the record, it is totally possible to really truly rock sexy in ass-less pants (and I don't mean in a "Gentlemen's Club"). In my youth I was a competitive equestrienne and in fact have owned several pairs of chaps (pronounced "shaps") as they are known in equestrian circles. And I looked super hot in them while beating the ass-less pants off of my competitors.

Labels: ,