Seriously, Universe, could you cut me some slack?
0 comment Friday, May 2, 2014 |
Wow. It's been a bit of a nightmare of unbloggable stress around here lately. I think last week took a year or two off my life. But.I got it settled. Sought advice frantically, incorporated many bits of disparate advice and tried to make sense of it all, then negotiated a solution that was actually....exactly what I wanted.I'm pretty proud of that, though it may have less to do with my negotiating prowess than with the other parties finally screwing their damn heads on straight, but whatever. (People! You are all older and more experienced than I am - why is it always on me to be the goddamn adult around here!?) I will take it, and I will call it a victory for AA getting her grown-up science shit taken care of. That's a good thing.Meanwhile, I am swamped with manuscript edits (seriously, can we just be done the drafts already? I am ready to effing submit!), and charging up a new project in post-doc lab. Ooof. Counting down the days until I leave for Xmas, that's for sure.You'd think that would be enough on my plate - but no!!There are some exciting new opportunities on the horizon which may or may not become something real. I need to do a lot of leg work and make some big decisions to get that off the ground. It will be totally worth it if it works out and I am very, very happy about these possibilities...but also feeling completely emotionally and intellectually drained and just stretched too thin. I don't really trust myself right now to make good decisions about these opportunities because I am running on fumes. Plus, there is still all the uncertainty which doesn't do wonders for my mental stability.These drained feelings are causing me to question whether I really truly want to keep hacking away at this career path. I love the science.I really really do. But the other crazy that comes with it is killing me. I'd like to take a moment to really sit down and think hard about this stuff, about what I want from my current and future career, and do I really think I can get it like this, and if not like this then how else, but I am not finding the time when I can rarely even manage to put on my underwear right-side-out (not kidding about that one). I want to do that kind of thinking with a clear head, and I just don't have such a thing at the moment.Hang on, just a few more weeks. A lot to do, but then I can rest.